Staring Down the Devil

a metaphor for overcoming

Photo by Julian Santa Ana on Unsplash

Growing up along the Mason Dixon Line, I heard lots of talk of “resisting the devil.” The devil, and evil, in general, were out in the world somewhere and needed to be avoided at all costs. Sin was also out there, tempting us all the time, leaning out the door of life with a beckoning finger and encouraging us into trouble that could likely ruin us.

As a confused, troubled young woman, coming out of my teen years at the dawn of the 1980s. I viewed myself as broken, unlovable and desperately in need of redemption that kept evading me. When I met the deliverance minister in 1983, I was a single mother of a toddler, going to college and working, doing the things deemed improbable at best by most everyone I knew.

The deliverance minister had a small church in his south central Illinois home. I went there one evening with a friend and her husband. I said little and hung towards the back, blending in and trying not to attract attention. Of course, this caught the minister’s eye and he singled me out at the end of the service, asking me to his study. He said he saw demons in me that needed to be “cast out” and went through a litany of strange and scary prayers, speaking in tongues and waving his hands over me. He brought me a mop bucket and asked me to throw up the demons into the bucket. This made me laugh. My laughter angered him and he became more insistent. I tried to throw up to please him. My survival training as a girl had taught me to fawn, cajole, and act interested in the face of dangerous men, at least until I could flee the situation.

This whole bizarre charade went on for about 45 confounding minutes. Then it happened—he accused me of having the demon of lust towards him! This I knew to be an absolute lie.

It seemed possible that I was a witch, maybe a seductress, maybe even a lesbian, but I had not an ounce of lust for him. That’s when I stood up from my crouched position over the bucket on the floor, him towering above me, and I found my way out of the house. Not too long after, my friends came out, apologized for leaving me alone with the minister, and we went home.

The saddest part of that story is that for a short while, I doubted myself.

I saw the dark rabbit hole of constant unworthiness in need of redemption opening up and ready to suck me in, but in that moment, I rejected it. I sought out education and committed myself to learning, understanding the uncomfortable, and helping others. All which eventually led me to a career in social work and a graduate theological degree, but that’s another story.

Doing Wrong is a Choice

The point is that the devil, and evil in general, are not “out there” lurking around and trying to to tempt humanity. That concept puts the notion of evil outside of personal responsibility, with a finger pointing at someone other than ourselves. Evil is created right here on earth by humans who continually refuse to acknowledge their wrongdoing. Humans who blame others relentlessly without ever looking at their own behavior cause hurt and pain, which in turn, opens the door to creating more hurt and pain on a larger scale. Idolatry and deliberate ignorance create the context to do wrong without acknowledgment.

Take a small act, like a lie. Then never acknowledge the lie or ask forgiveness. In the face of truth, deny it. Somewhere along the line, a choice is made that sticking with the lie is more important or profitable than telling the truth, even if the lie costs something precious to the conscience and heart of the liar. Keep repeating the lie, and the lie takes on a life of its own, causing additional harm and discord to others. Still defend it regardless of the cost. Eventually, you will lose yourself.

We all lie. We lie to ourselves and others repeatedly. We make bad choices and hurt ourselves and others regularly. Hopefully, we’re willing to acknowledge our mistakes and learn to be better. It’s part of being human.

But when we refuse to acknowledge the pain and suffering we cause others and ourselves by our actions, or lack of action, we separate ourselves from the power of love. Evil is what occurs when suffering and harm are repeatedly not acknowledged, and when doing wrong is defended. It’s a force unleashed by wrong action repeated and denied. Unstopped, it is wildly destructive as it becomes its own awful thing.

And it begins with a choice. Always.

Be Willing to See

The devil is the 15th card in the tarot deck sitting right between temperance and the the tower, in a series of the most notoriously negative and feared cards of the deck. That series, from cards 13-16, includes death, the devil, temperance, and the tower. When I used to read tarot for events and parties, a friend of mine gave me the advice, “Take out death, the devil, and the tower cards before the party, as it’ll keep the the mood much lighter.” I never did it, but he was right. No one likes those cards in a reading, even though they actually have deeper interpretations that can be beneficial and not necessarily all doom and gloom. Basically, the big 3 of the major arcana serve as a warning, not prescriptive, but instructive, pointing out looming themes and archetypes that the querier might be reluctant to address. Often, those cards, especially the devil, serve as a guide to look at some hidden untruth you’re hiding from yourself.

The devil is the card of addiction and bondage to a lie. It’s the card of deceit, cheating, and behind it all, lying to oneself. The tower card is about everything falling apart and the death card is about the need for transformation and change at the deepest level. You can see why they are avoided in readings. But you can also see how they teach us to look at the difficult with new eyes.

Some would say the tarot is evil. But nothing is evil and and of itself. It is all in how it is used and applied. The deliverance minister considered himself a “man of God,” but his actions were far from godly, and his actions produced fear, confusion, and despair without remorse or acknowledgment.

The tarot cards are tools, like any other tool. They can be used to provide a different perspective than that of our mind, and possibly ignite our own intuition to find a new way forward. Tools, in and of themselves, are not good or evil, but how we choose to use them determines what they become. You can use a hammer to build a house or break a window.

Consequences of Actions Taken

But what happens when a person refuses to acknowledge the harm they’ve caused? What happens when a person, or a group of people, decide to continue causing harm and rationalize their wrongdoings with excuses, lies, and denial of reality? It could start as something small and simple or it could be a big lie, but regardless of small, large, or global in size, the “lie” will take on a life of it’s own and consume the creator of the lie, as well as all who cling to it. Dr. Scott Peck called this phenomenon “evil,” in his 1983 book, People of the Lie. It starts as an unacknowledged error, a choice that brings harm but is denied or minimized. Then the wrong takes on a life of it’s own much larger than the original infraction, as a result, the harm grows. A force we call “evil” is the ultimate result of refusing to see.

But when a wrong action is righted, there is always a possibility to choose a new way forward. With that new choice lies freedom.

Being human, we have so many choices, and we live in a timeline where our inherent choices have major consequences in the micro as well as the macro. But the amazing thing is that we can turnaround and go a different direction. There is always a possibility to choose, and in that choice create an opening for more light.

Long ago, when grappling with these things for the first time, I had a dream. In the dream, a voice said, “Choose wisely.” I realized then, as I know now, that as humans, we have a calling to honor and bring forth the greater good in whatever way we can. Additionally, there will always be temptations to do the opposite.

It’s up to us, daily, to make this choice.

Unflinching Honesty is the Requirement

Staring down the devil is a metaphor for having courage in the face of illusion, deceit, and abuses of power. If it were easy, we’d live in a different world. It isn’t easy, but it is the path of temperance and finding our true strength. And it definitely becomes easier after it becomes a habit.

Like so many others, I’m troubled daily by the zeitgeist of this time. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the forces of ignorance and the unwillingness to course correct, or even acknowledge the current course. It’s maddening! It’d be easy to be pulled off course completely into the land of bitterness and despair. This must be resisted.

I know one thing for sure, and that is that we must remain willing to look at our minds’ habits and reactions, to choose wisely, and humbly listen to the voice within that serves a greater good. Always asking, “Does this choice bring more love, clarity or light into the world? Does this choice serve love?”

If it doesn’t, then the choice is clear, and the answer is a resounding no. We muster up the courage and choose a different way.