Heartbreak and Rage

indistinguishable at times

3 of Swords in the Crow Tarot by MJ Cullinane

I’ve felt frozen these past weeks and months. Unable to find my voice, even literally the other week as I developed some kind of pharyngitis, but also figuratively as the timeline before us unfolds. I’ve known since January that this time was going to be difficult, but I hoped the devastation wouldn’t transpire so quickly. A big part of my mind wants to be distracted from the news of the day, and definitely this is important after a certain time of the evening. For awhile there, I wasn’t sleeping well. However, I’ve determined that Masterpiece Theater and sleep stories on Audible are more conducive to my rest than a podcast or reading an article about the trump “administration’s” latest foray into the land of anti-justice. And whatever is going on in my personal life needs to be quieted too.

The Three of Swords in the tarot card deck is generally portrayed as a large red heart being punctured by three swords coming through from the top of the heart to the bottom. The red heart is the only bright color on an otherwise dreary landscape of dark clouds and rain. The Three of Swords is the heartbreak and sorrow card. The heartbreak stemming from betrayal, emotional pain and disappointment, and often seen as a “negative” card. But like all cards in the tarot, there are numerous meanings and ways of interpretation. The Three of Swords also signifies the need to confront painful realities and whatever truth might be difficult to digest. It beckons growth beyond what hurts, calling in healing, and a spirit of resilience born of clarity.

We don’t just “get over” heartbreak though. Not without examining the cause and what’s hiding behind it. In my case, the hidden specter behind heartbreak is rage. Rage at what is occurring before our collective eyes in this country. Rage at what those trusted with power have created from their own cowardice. Rage at the ignorance that allows so many not to even see what is happening, or the cynical LOL crowd who think it’s all a big joke. Rage at the people who don’t use their microphones for good but instead promote hate as the latest means of income and fashion.

Confront your Rage Exercise

Take a moment and make a list of all the things that are creating a build-up of anger within you. Let your emotions flow as you do it and don’t hold back anything! Once completed, note how your body feels. Then read each thing on your list out loud and calmly and lovingly acknowledge each one as valid to the time and place you currently inhabit. Notice what changes. Repeat as needed until you feel the balm of kindness towards yourself. Commit to self honesty and move forward with the internal knowledge that you have the power to do a small thing to make a change. Even the smallest kindness counts. It might not be immediate and you may have to practice it several times, but rage can be soothed and transformed into strength.

As an example, here is my current list:

1. The treatment of immigrants who are brown, both children and adults. Humans who deserve the dignity of due process afforded by the Rule of Law. The same Rule of Law that has protected us in the US and is dangerously on the run these days.

2. Trees, wildlife, critters of the forest, ocean and air who also inhabit this earth and on whom our lives depend far more than the levers of power and greed admit.

3. Health. The stupidity and oxymoron of MAHA, while the congressional branch of trump plan for yanking Medicaid away from millions, free school lunches away from children who have no other means of getting fed reasonably decent food, health care, food, freedom from fear of going to bed hungry, and basic human rights away from those who are fighting just to survive. The reality is poverty and the people who experience it, both old and young, are inconvenient to our lawmakers.

4. Public media! Weather, FEMA, scientists, vaccination moratoriums, education, college, Head Start—the very world of services and knowledge we depend upon and have taken for granted, like the air around us, and now threaten to disappear. Resulting in, and it’s intentional, the triumph of the ignorant.

5. The shortsightedness of the masses blinded by distraction. People who have very little, yet who still sport “Trump won” and “Trump 2028” and “Let’s Go Brandon” signs in their yards. Thanks to the destruction of accurate, fact-based media, replaced by algorithms designed for the red-pilled, and a minimization of accuracy as a woke fantasy, we’re headed uphill. We’re all in this category to some extent as we don’t experience or see the entirety of what’s happening around us and we can’t keep up with it. The fashion of red-hatted politics owning what they believe to be weakness in people who dare to care about others. It’s sickening.

6. Congress. Why don’t they just all resign? They should get DOGEd and go home so we can save some tax dollars spent on paying a bunch of people who’ve handed over their power to a supreme ruler. Supreme Court, same. Worthless. Let the lower courts rulings hold and just go home and fly your flags upside down. I still believe you, Anita, and if the Senate Judiciary Committee of 1991 had believed you, at least one flagrant lawbreaker on the court wouldn’t be brandishing his ill-acquired wealth and power.

7. Victimhood as a way of life. Never taking responsibility and yet, benefiting from being in power.

8. The simple fact that when some of us are unsafe and expendable, then eventually all of us are unsafe and expendable. This should be acceptable to no one.

There’s more, but it’s important to start somewhere and begin writing the rage, giving it the attention needed to make a shift in perception. Start with what’s on top of the list and comes to mind readily.

Rage demands an audience and won’t be silenced until it is heard. I know this deep in my bones to be true. Rage is a ruthless, yet instructive teacher. Rage slams doors, holds creativity hostage, and screams obscenities, sometimes even at kindness to oneself. Once heard though, rage becomes a salve, transforming itself into a map, a prayer, and a way forward.

Hate will never win the day.

As I honor the rage within me, I acknowledge that I’m not without power. It feels like this struggle is completely uphill. a Sisyphean task, but a necessary one. Got to keep pushing forward, even if it feels like a hopeless task. So much seems at stake and poised to be taken from so many. Many are oblivious, but that doesn’t have to be me or you.

For now, I can practice promoting all that celebrates the goodness of life. For now, I can still watch PBS and indulge in Masterpiece Mystery at night.